Murderers' Anonymous
by CrescentCrow
Summary: What happens when Freddy, Jason, Samara, and other famous movie icons are forced into sitting through an anti-killing seminar to try and mend their twisted ways? Find out!
1. Let the madness begin!

Hey! Yep... I wrote this just for kicks but when my friends read it they urged me to post it…..SO I AM! - As you can see this is a huge crossover full of randomness! ENJOY! **Disclaimer:** Use your mind a little; this is FANfiction meaning I am just a FAN…jeez…

THE FIRST MEETING OF MURDERS' ANNONYMOUS 

**Doc. Saydee: **Welcome to the first meeting of Murders' Anonymous! This is a completely confidential group offered for the sole reason of allowing you to safely discuss your feelings about your, um…_hobbies_, with people like you. So lets start off with introductions. As you know I'm Doctor Saydee Summers.

**Sam:** Hi, I'm Sam Wulfe and I'm, well, a werewolf -sniggers are heard around the room- Shut up!

**Freddy:** What kind of werewolf actually has the name _Wulfe_?

**Doc Saydee:** Now now, no speaking out of turn. And please keep such improper and rude thoughts to yourself, sir.

**Freddy:** -clicks claws- you know what, Bitch; I can tell I don't like you already.

**Doc Saydee:** right, um, yes…moving on…

**Samara:** Hello, I'm Samara and I like to murder people stupid enough to watch a tape they already have been told kills people.

**Sam:** -raises eyebrows- How rewarding can that be?

**Samara:** -glares-

**Doc Saydee:** Let's keep it moving. Um, how about you, what's your name?

**Freddy:** -glances up to see her pointing to a guy across the room from him- HAH, that's Jason Voorhees. Good luck getting through to him. The only thing in his head is dirty lake water.

**Jason:** -sits there for a few seconds- uh?

**Freddy:** -smirks- Dumb ass.

**Jason:** -throws a rock that misses Freddy by three feet-

**Doc Saydee:** Right, well I can sense some tension here. But we'll come back to that. Let's continue.

**Kikyo:** I'm Kikyo. I'm considered the walking dead or, if you prefer, a zombie. I spent my whole life protecting this stupid jewel only to fall in love, be killed for the damn jewel I had to baby-sit, and be utterly betrayed.

**Doc Saydee: **That's it; let it all out.

**Kikyo:** Then when I was brought back to life, I found my traitorous love to be alive after I had killed him. I found out that he wasn't the one who betrayed me but I was still pissed cause he was hanging out with some other chick. So, now I'm going to kill her and then I think I'll drag him to hell.

**Sam:** DAMN!

**Freddy:** Whoa, I kinda like this one…

**Samara:** I didn't think ANYONE had more issues then me and I got tossed down a fricken well! Oh, by the way, would anyone like to watch this tape?

**Jason:** -raises hand-

**Freddy:** Told you…complete moron.

**Sam:** Samara, that's not even worth it.

**Samara:** aww -pouts-

**Doc Saydee:** Keep it going please.

**Morpheus:** Hi, I'm from the Matrix and well; I only kill when I'm drunk. Which is quite often. Oh yea, and my girlfriend is a saint who had been dipped in molten lead.

**Freddy:** Well that's gotta suck. How do you fu-

**Doc Saydee:** That's quite enough, Freddy! Besides, for all the talking you do you still haven't introduced yourself properly.

**Freddy:** Oh, my bad. I'm Freddy Krueger, the King of Nightmares! I strike fear into the hearts of teens everywhere, and kill the Elm Street kids in perverse and taunting ways when they are asleep. -Smiles with pride-

**Sam:** I don't think perverse even _begins_ to cover it…

**Freddy:** Shut it, furball.

**Samara:** haha, you can't get me because I never sleep!

**Kikyo:** -Shoots an arrow that pins Samara to the wall- I'd like to introduce you to a well in my world, sometime…

**Morpheus:** -opens up a beer- you all are kind of crazy.

**Sam:** We're crazy? You're the one with a metal girlfriend!

**Jason:** -picks his nose with a machete-

**Kikyo:** watches him how is he even _capable_ of killing people?

**Freddy:** -sniggers- it took him a while, his Mommy had to do it for him first! Heh heh heh

**Doc Saydee:** Please people, we have one last introduction to make!

**Captain Jack:** I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, and…I'm in the wrong room.

**Freddy:** You look familiar…have I killed you before?

**Sam:** If you're a pirate, don't you have to kill people at some point?

**Samara:** Yea, how good of a pirate are you if you never kill? Oh, and do you wanna watch this tape?

**Capt Jack:** I just like to drink Rum -opens a bottle-

**Morpheus:** Me too! -Opens a bottle himself-

**Doc Saydee:** Now that we all know each other, lets discuss _why_ we kill.

**Morpheus:** Um, I kill cause I'm wasted and I have a gun?

**Capt Jack:** As long as I have my rum…-cradles bottle-

**Sam:** Well, I tend to lose control when I'm fully transformed, resulting in violent outbursts.

**Samara:** Can you three even be considered true murderers?

**Kikyo:** Can you, you creepy little tape girl?

**Samara:** You wanna start something?

**Kikyo:** You're still pinned to the wall.

**Samara:** So…

**Jason:** -drops a knife on his foot but does nothing-

**Freddy:** I kill because, one, I'm damn good at it, and, two, its fuckin fun!

**Kikyo:** I want to kill Kagome because she's annoying and even though it wasn't Inu yasha's fault I died, I like to blame him and would enjoy watching him burn in hell.

**Sam:** -raises eyebrows- I take it you don't like this dude anymore…?

**Freddy:** Does that mean you're available?

**Doc Saydee:** Mr. Krueger, I'd prefer if you kept such things like that out of this room.

**Freddy:** -flexes claws- just one more time, bitch…

**Doc Saydee:** I think we should wrap it up for today! I'll see you all next week!


	2. The insanity continues!

The Second Meeting of Murderers' Anonymous 

**Doc Saydee:** Welcome back, everyone! I hope you all had a nice weekend.

**Freddy:** Oh, I did, took out three more dumb teens. Heh heh heh

**Doc Saydee:** -flat look- I can see you've made little improvement.

Morpheus stumbles in clumsily-

**Morpheus:** Oh man, I am still feeling that last whisky…

**Samara:** Lousy drunk…

**Freddy and Kikyo:** Stupid Bitch.

**Sam:** Whoa, that was _beyond_ creepy.

**Doc Saydee:** Ok, lets go around the room and talk about our weekends. Mr. Wulfe, let's start with you.

**Sam:** Well, er…it was a full moon and I sorta lost it and shredded some teenage punks…

**Freddy:** Yea, go furball! -Slaps him on the back with his clawed hand-

**Sam:** Oww…I think I'm bleeding…

**Samara:** That kill doesn't even count; he didn't mean to do it!

**Kikyo:** Oh, and how many people have _you_ killed, this weekend?

**Samara:** Probably way more then you.

**Kikyo:** Well I had a good weekend. Stole back a nice hunk of the jewel _and_ scared the shit out of Kagome. - Plus I managed to collect five more souls.

**Freddy: **Hey, you collect souls, too?

**Sam:** You guys are just being creepy today…

**Samara:** And they aren't every day?

**Kikyo:** -nails her with another arrow-

**Doc Saydee:** Can't we stay on subject, people? Captain Jack, you've been quiet, tell I us about your weekend.

**Capt Jack:** Well; I stole seven gallons of rum, got drunk, went to some cabin, dot drunk, waited until ten o'clock (whilst getting drunk) and then watched some bloody video. But now I keep getting these bloody phone calls! Something about seven days…

**Samara:** -smug look-

**Sam:** You are _pathetic_. He was DRUNK for crying out loud!

**Samara:** -sticks out tongue-

Jason staggers in. He's covered in arrows and four-lined slash marks-

**Doc Saydee:** Goodness Mr. Voorhees! What in the world happened to you!

**Kikyo and Freddy:** -whistle innocently-

**Sam:** -flat look- Seems like he overslept to me.

**Samara:** Aren't you the comedian.

**Jason:** -shrugs- -takes seat-

**Doc Saydee: **hmm…anyway, lets continue.

Morpheus opens a bottle of Bacardi-

**Doc Saydee:** Please, Mr. Morpheus, not here!

**Capt Jack:** -snags bottle- Hey, I'm not supposed to be here anyway. -Drinks it-

**Morpheus:** HEY! -Gets out his futuristic gun-

**Capt Jack:** -finishes the bottle, then takes out his own pistol-

**Freddy:** I got ten bucks on the pirate.

**Doc Saydee:** No, No, NO! There will be no shooting or betting in this room!

**Everyone:** Awwwwww.

**Freddy:** -clicks claws- you continue to bother me, bitch.

**Doc Saydee:** All right, I'll see you all next week!


End file.
